Hi! What’s going on? It’s me, Sasha, and I’m testing my brand new fancy microphne
It cost 400 pounds! That’s like 600 dollars.
But apparently it’s got excellent recording quality, so let’s make some magic!
Uh, excuse me, Hi!
Don’t panic, I’m not crazy or anything. This man has got a massive amount of…
See that? I saved your life, just there.
That’s not actually why I came over, to save your life, I just saw you and thought
you looked fuckin’ phenomenal.
And I thought if I’m not gonna chat you up now, it’s probably never gonna happen to be honest
So Hi, how are you doing? What’s your name?
Olivia, hi. I’m Sasha
Sasha, (inaudible) hi. (laughs)
I think it will be funny if we just shaking hands for like 5, 6 minutes and then stopped.
(laughing) OK, alright
We don’t have to do that. So what are you up to? What’s your…what’s your story, Olivia?
Other than being…
I don’t live in London.
Oh. Well, I guess we might as well cut to the chase, are you willing to come down, just to have like
an amazing affair, maybe once a month?
It’s too expensive for me to come.
Let’s just pretend I’m a lawyer and I earn 300K a year, is that helping?
I’m not actually (laughs)
I like how I had you…that was a dirty, that was a dirty trick, but how come you’re in London now then?
Um, to go see a few more (inaudible), to go do (inaudible)
Well look at you, I’m a model, I’m so pretty, meh meh meh!
Just so you know, that actually lowers you in my eyes a little bit.
Yeah, it does, because most models are bitchy, yucky girls.
You seem, you seem
Yeah, (inaudible) so…
I don’t do it full time
But you see, you know fairly like a nice person, yeah.
OK what do you…
I got swallowed into the world
What are you doing on the, you know
I’m at university
OK what are you studying?
Ooh, you would be a really hot English teacher.
If I had you for English I wouldn’t get anything done, I’d just be there like uhhhh, and you’d be like Sasha!
And I’d be like what? Sorry?
Terrible so, could you just ugly up a bit before you start teaching, because
Is that what you like want to do, you wanna
I think I’m gonna convert to (inaudible)
Better than converting to Christianity, that would be more awkward.
Now what do you do?
Uh, you know, chat up girls on the street, that kind of thing. That’s what I, so, I’m only an amateur, but
You know I do what I can. So you wanna be a lawyer, really?
Uh, I don’t know yet.
So you’re like one of those, I’m not sure stages.
I’m only 19, so
You know what, you should just go travel for a year and figure it out.
I’m not allowed.
What do you mean, you’re not allowed?
My parents are like…
You need to find yourself!
“You won’t go back (inaudible)”
No no no no, the best thing, no listen the best thing, honestly if you don’t know what you want to do,
Don’t just fuckin’ do something to make your parents happy, honestly, tell your parents to fuck off
Go around the world for a year and when you get, you’ll know what you want to do then
You really want to spend all this studying for something and then you’ll be like miserable in five years
You don’t want that. Anyway, here’s the important question. Who’s the lucky guy?
What do you mean?
Man? Boyfriend, fiancé, husband? Nothing?
I’m 19, I don’t have a fiancée.
Fair enough, but you must have something the matter with you though, if you’re totally single
You’re just too hot to be single.
I think I’m just hard to impress.
Are you? Well have you seen my biceps? Do you wanna, do you just wanna have
I’ll start over.
Hi, I’m Sasha, what’s your name?
Hi Olivia, how are you. Let me guess, let me guess. Stunning English teacher going into law,
Part time model
I know, psychic, runs in my family. Well how long are you in town for this time?
Uh, an hour.
An hour? And when are you in town next?
Uh I don’t know, because I only found out I was coming here yesterday, so it’s
Well how about this, next time you’re in town we’ll meet up, have a cup of coffee or a drink and we’ll chat
And obviously if there’s sexual chemistry I’ll seduce you
go back to my place and we’ll make love all night long.
Only if we get along, obviously if we hate each other, won’t even…you know, it will just be a cup of coffee and
That will be it. What do you reckon?
Maybe, so that’s a yes, you don’t want to admit that you want to have sex with me cause you’d feel like
a dirty slapper, if I understand that.
Alright, so let’s do it the old fashioned way, I’ll give you a missed call and then you’ll know it’s me.
I don’t even know you though.
Sure, just call me then, it’s fine.
I know all your womanly tricks.
Are you on, are you on, OK.
That’s just in case somebody’s watching
OK now press talk, and then you get to hear my ringtone.
I need a nickname for you though, I need a nickname, OK
I found it, cool
Let’s see, I’m gonna call you Olivia, the nice model, how does that, how does that sound?
That sounds lovely, thanks
Because, no wait, I got it, I got it, Olivia, the non bitchy model, that’s you. The non bitchy model.
But now you’ve got to live up to that so if we meet up you’ve got to be nice to me.
Um, I’m always nice.
You can’t just be bitchy.
Well listen, you’re absolutely lovely, I’m happy I met you, I know it’s totally random. A little bit strange
But come on, I had the balls to come over.
Where are you from?
I’m from a small place called Canada.
You know what, I’d be worried if you hadn’t heard of it. Alright. Now come here, give me some love
You’re lovely, and I hope you get the job, and that you, you know, that you do well.
I hope they pay you a thousand pounds an hour.
They won’t, but thank you!
Don’t panic, I’m not crazy or anything, I only wanted to tell you you look absolutely amazing.
You gonna run away from me now? You gonna run away?
Listen, just one question. Sorry about the scaring you, but obviously I don’t see girls I like very often
because I’m super picky, and you’re just my type and really hot. I just wanna know one thing, just one…who’s the lucky guy?
Uh huh, you didn’t answer, you’re single, aren’t you?
Why does this always happen?
Because there’s a secret underground movement of men who just like to chat up girls.
This is our favorite, this is our favorite place to do this, actually.
I’ve got a boyfriend.
Have you? Is he a real boyfriend or an imaginary boyfriend?
Name? Ah, hesitated!
Alright, you still said, hesitate. Are you happy?
What are you doing?
Chatting, I’m chatting up girls.
Why is that guy taking a photograph of you?
What, who? That guy?
Excuse me, hi!
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are the hottest girl I’ve seen in the last 15 minutes
And there are so many girls out here right now. Just one question, how many boyfriends do you have?
One? Is he a proper boyfriend? He’s not imaginary?
What’s his name?
Ah, you hesitated! You totally made him up.
No, I am seeing someone though. He’s not my boyfriend.
What about sharing?
Excuse me, hi. Don’t panic, I’m not crazy or anything, but I’ve got like a really big crush on one of you guys
Like I think I’m slightly in love one of you guys but I don’t want to say who it’s on cause if she’s got a boyfriend I’m gonna cry.
We’re both taken, so
Are you serious?
You don’t, you don’t have a baby. Why are you just making up random stuff.
Oh yeah, she’s got 4 kids in Nigeria, an adopted one, 2 crocodiles…
That doesn’t help anybody
Oh, a puppy baby, that’s fine. That’s not gonna get in the way of, between you and me
I have a boyfriend.
Oh I like how, you could be
You could be arrested right now just for shouting that out. Does that normally just get rid of every, just for the just for that
It’s like is that normally, he’s a police man, let’s run away, we’re breaking the law right now.
It was nice to meet you.
I just wanted to try that, see if I had a chance, obviously you made your choice.
Do you want a hug?
Do you want a hug, too?
I really am engaged though.
I like nice girls, you guys are cool.
Excuse me, Hello young lady, hi
I’ve fallen madly in love with you and I just was gonna run up to you and tell you you’re gorgeous and try and chat you up
And of course you ruined everything by starting to go down the stairs
Which makes everything really really awkward. You look extremely Swedish
I know, but am I close?
No. I’m Russian.
Good thing I speak fluent Russian. We should just switch to Russian.
(speaking in Russian)
And you look, when you were walking you had this look on your face like a little bit bitchy
a little bit like that, but I can tell now you’re actually quite friendly. So (speaks in Russian)
Well anyways, how are you? You’re, how many boyfriends do you have?
Uh a lot.
So you have room for one more obviously.
Are you sure? Have you seen my bicep?
Do you wanna, do you wanna touch?
No, that’s OK.
Do you live in London?
No, I’m just visiting.
Oh, OK. Are you one of those Russian models that walks around?
No, no, just seeing the city.
Oh, are you from St. Petersburg?
Oh (inaudible) that’s good, how long are you here for?
Just 2 days more.
2 days more? Ah (speaks in Russian)
Do you have like a boyfriend in Moscow?
Is he bigger than me?
(speaking in Russian)
Cool, well listen, it was great to meet you, what was your name?
Lovely to meet you, I’ll uh, I’ll see you in Moscow.
Don’t panic, I’m not crazy or anything, I just came over to say I think you’re absolutely gorgeous.
However, you’re probably too young for me, I just wanna know how old you are.
17, Oh you’re right on that border. You’re right on that border, you’re French too
No, I’m from Poland.
Are you from Poland? Really?
You don’t look Polish at all!
Yeah because my father’s half (inaudible) and half Dutch.
Oh that’s why, that’s…cool! Well, I see you’re running away so obviously you don’t want to have a, you know
love affair with me. Careful, you’re gonna die…
How many boyfriends do you have?
Alright, well I don’t want to break anything special. (inaudible) Nice to meet you, anyway.
What was your name?
Nice to meet you.
Don’t panic, I’m not crazy, I just wanted to come over and tell you that, um you have a really sexy body.
I mean, wow, I mean Jesus, you must have guys just coming up to you all the time just like…
Just going (cat noise) just throwing themselves at you.
I’ve only been here a week, so you’re the first one
Really? From up north?
Northampton, nice nice.
Do all the girls look like you in Northampton? Cause I am moving there! Take me to Northampton !
Where do you come from?
Can I just hold you in my arms?
Do you want to touch it?
I like how you love me, but then you’re being a little bit coy at the same time.
So listen, let’s cut to the chase. You’re fit, I’m fit. Clearly we like each other. When are we hookin’ up?
What do you think next week?
I can’t do Fridays.
Why, what’s going on? You got a man?
Is it a proper one?
What if I’m guaranteed better in bed?
You ever had an orgasm for an hour in a row?
I’ve had an orgasm but no, never an hour.
Didn’t think so. I can make that happen for you. Just putting that out there.
Are you happy?
Scale of 1 to 10 happiness?
8 or 9.
See, there’s some hesitation there.
It’s because I never get to see him, because he’s (inaudible)
Oh I see I see, OK fair enough. Alright.
Well, I tried. You’re lovely though, come on, give me a little hug. Let me feel those boobs pressed up against me, oh (inaudible)
Do you do this quite a lot?
Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Only with the really fit girls so you should be, you should be quite happy.
I was going (inaudible) but I don’t know why I was waiting.
To be honest I just want to take your boobies in my face and go
A, this is a public place, B I have a boyfriend.
Yeah, but he’s never gonna know.
He’s not just (inaudible)
Is he a police…
Is he a police officer?
He wants to be actually.
Don’t worry, I would never do that without your permission.
I like how you’re…
I would never do that without your permission.
That wasn’t really…
I’ll get the police, there’s the police right now
Well anyway look, you’re lovely, and it’s been great to talk to you, and I wish, I hope, I’m just gonna shake
your hand, (inaudible) your hand
You’re gonna shake my hand
I wanna say I wish all the girls that I came up to were as cool as you. If they were I’d be getting so much sex it would be amazing
I would have so much sex if they were all like you.
But they’re not so…
I’ll see you again. If it’s meant to be we’ll be together.
Where are you going now?
Just gonna go meet some friends. Hang out.
I don’t know, I don’t know, cause I’m met you now, to be honest all the other girls seem a bit, a bit shit, yeah so
(inaudible) so just grab my bun, do a little feel on that (inaudible)
That’s quite a good idea, actually
Don’t take this the wrong way, but of all the women I’ve seen today, you’re just the most beautiful
You’re so hot, I just had to come over and tell you that.
Thank you, but I’m late for work, so…
I only wanna know one thing, are you in a serious monogamous relationship?
Monogamous, I like that.
Do you have a man, do you have a man?
Yeah, I am.
Is it, what’s his name?
Damn it, you said it fast enough where I don’t think you’re making it up.
Anyway, nice to meet you.
What was your (inaudible) I only wanted to say…
I’m late for work, go on go on go on
I’ll always love you. (inaudible)
Are you happy?
Am I happy?
Yeah, see you looked away. Scale of 1 to 10, scale of 1 to 10 happiness.
Oh, you can’t be happy in every relationship, can you?
What do you mean? Of course you can! That’s the whole point!
No you can’t.
Alright. Is he taking good care of you in the bedroom?
No, see I don’t believe anything you’re saying. Listen, here’s what you should do. Take my number, and when you decide that you want some good lovin’
Alright, cool, give me your number quickly.
And I’m Sasha
OK, where are you from?
Canada, have you heard
Say your name again, it was a weird name
Azriene, that is a strange name. And I guarantee you if you call me…have you ever had an orgasm for an hour in a row?
I’d like to make that happen for you. That’s all I’ve got to say
Think about it
I live here but I’m going, I’m leaving the country in 2 weeks so it’s only gonna be strictly amazing sex for like a week or 2
You’re not very good at this, are you?
I trust you.
Ready? On 3 I want you to say nipple. One, two, three, nipple!
Oh yeah, well you got a nice, that’s why I’m …lok how happy you look!
Oh, that was awesome!
(inaudible) thank you so much!
You have a funny accent, it’s like American French.
And you’re from Colombia?
(speaks in Spanish)
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are fucking stunning.
Now listen, I have only one question for you.
Who is the lucky guy?
I have a boyfriend.
Ah every time every time!
Alright, you don’t have like a twin sister, how about no? Nice to meet you what was your name?
Wow! Nice meeting you…
Just one thing though, I’m wondering, uh, on a scale of 1 to 10, happiness scale, are you, are you quite…
I’m happy, yeah
Definitely, aw, and he’s taking good care of you in the bedroom? For sure?
Yeah, for sure.
Just then, alright, nice to meet you!
Hi, don’t panic, I’m not crazy.
I just wanted to come over and say you look amazing.
Don’t hit me!
I’m not gonna hit you, that’s really sweet!
So I’m gonna assume you have like probably you know like 2, 3 boyfriends already, and like rich guy over here and
like a guy you live with over here and just, you know which is normal for a girl like you sure.
Just in case you’re looking for boyfriend number 4, not exclusive obviously, that would be good.
(inaudible) You’re very sweet, thank you.
One minute, you haven’t touched the bicep yet, go ahead. Touch it! Touch the bicep! Oh, what do you think now? You’re not so sure about your decision now, are you?
Where are you even from?
You’ve never heard of it, so there’s no point
in going into that now
No say. Say!
(inaudible) It’s like a little country off the coast of Spain. It’s like a, you’ve never heard of it, yeah. But I went to an international school, so I sound
Like I do, so it’s funny. What’s your story, do you have a man, is that what it is?
Uh not really.
I don’t know what to call him.
So what, you’re just having sex with some guy?
No, we’re not…
You’re not even having sex?
No, he doesn’t live in the same place as…
I’ll be honest with you, it sounds like you really need my services. Just, from the information I’m getting so far.
You’re not, obviously, because you’re not getting laid. You’re some guy you’re with is far away. You’re just what, just sitting around at home with some
chocolates, some tissues and some Vaseline? That’s no way to live.
I’ll let you figure out in your own mind what the Vaseline and tissues are for. I’m not gonna go any further with that, but…
What’s your name?
Hi, I’m Sasha.
Nice to meet you.
You’re lovely, and do you live in London?
No. Where do you live?
Oh, fuckin’ hell.
That complicates things, doesn’t it? I know yeah
Even if we have an affair it’s like I have to come there and you have to go there
So you gonna spend all that money on petro?
Well if the sex is good, its worth the petro really.
Yeah yeah. Look, just one question, when was the last time you had like mind blowing sex?
Just tell me, come on. I’m a stranger, we can talk.
I don’t know, about 4, 5 months ago.
4 or 5, oh my god, tell me that’s not the last time you got laid. Please.
Oh my god.
Sweetie, this is not acceptable. I don’t care what the situation is, you’re a lovely, this is ridiculous. Come on, what’s going on. You must have guys
chatting you up all the time. No.
And maybe they’re kind of, they a bit (inaudible) a little bit, you know retarded, so
Fair enough. So what do you do at (inaudible)
Uh I go (inaudible)
What, what are you gonna be?
Art school (inaudible)
Art school? You’re gonna be unemployed anyway. No point in even going.
Now is there? Let’s be honest (inaudible)
What do you do?
I’m a struggling artist.
I like to keep things as vague as possible. Until I get to know people. You know, because. Well how long, how often are you in London?
OK, and when are you going back?
You going back tonight?
Damn. Could just come over to my house.
No, it’s my birthday tomorrow.
That’s the best birthday present ever, likeTantric sex for hours, multiple orgasms, what, what’s better that, or like a jumper?
You know what I mean? Let’s be honest. I can get you a jumper, but it’s not as good. I don’t want to be lame, so
I can tell you like me, so let’s do this. We’ll exchange numbers, next time you’re in London give me a shout. We’ll get a cup of coffee, we’ll see what happens.
Or alternatively, if I’m in your area, probably not gonna happen, No need to go to (inaudible) but
Um, OK yeah
Cause again, you’ll be missing out on…go ahead, just to remind yourself. Touch it again, touch it. That’s right. Alright, (inaudible) put my number in your phone.
Oh, it’s yellow!
That’s totally random and I know it’s like, you know it’s a bit weird but, what can I do, you’re hot. I can’t help myself.
OK, ready, here it is, OK cool.
7, aw, it’s cute, that phone, look at that!
OK, uh so what I’ll do is
OK, uh so what I”ll do is,
It’s right, it’s here
How are you doing, oh you’re doing
Spell your name, yes
It’s not that hard to spell, Sasha, is it
OK, there you go and enter, enter, English, English
Cool, and I’ll give you a missed call and then I’ll have your number.
Look, I’ve got it. I’ve got it, ooh, Blackberry. That’s right, cause I’m a gangster.
Oh yeah, there it is. OK. So I need a nickname for you, let me think.
I know what I’m gonna call you. I know what I’m gonna call you. How do you spell your name, first of all? Normal name?
(inaudible) R A C H
That doesn’t (inaudible)
I’m gonna call you Badly Needs Sweet Loving. That’s what I’m putting down. Come on, 4 or 5 months. That’s, that’s pretty good.
So listen, next time you’re in town, it’s gonna be me and you. We’re gonna have a good time. I’m gonna pick you up,
we’re gonna do something fun, get some chow, and then a little uh, we’ll just have to see how it goes after that.
I like how in your eyes like Yes! And then you’re a little bit like what if he’s a psycho killer? I’m not a psycho killer, I promise.
Now come on, give me some love.