Articles

MONEY IS WEIRD

December 31, 2019


[tape noises] oh no is it going to chip off the wall paint? …. too late! we’ll figure it out later!
i was buying a coffee.. don’t get me wrong this sounds like it’s about to be a great
story i know. don’t – hang in there! it’s going to get better!
I used a Toonie, oh do i have a toonie – i do! this is a toonie, two dollars!
thats what its worth, 1 loonie is one dollar, cause its got a loon on it, which is a bird,
so its loonie… toonie – two loons, toonie, even though there’s no.. I’M NOT HERE TO EXPLAIN
CANADIAN CURRENCY. i was supposed to get a loonie back as change.
and i got back this ….. this is a 2 pence coin, form england.
although it is nearly the exact same size as a loonie, cept loonies have like angular
edges, not a circle. i got this back and i didn’t realize till
after that i had got 2 cents back, instead of 100 cents, which is one dollar. and, uhh,
it made me just realize how strange money is.
When you actually think about normal things… they’re weird.
how is it, that i’ve come to value just these tokens, abstract tokens, as like the value
of my labour, the value of food, of everything. like why is it… i’m going to try to not
make change-noise, i’m aware that it’ll be annoying.
so i’m just going to put this down. [sound of change dropping]
how is it that I’ve come to value this like metal, or paper, or in Canadian case, it’s
plastic. Looks like this it’s plastic, I’m not going to bite it because
it’s touched a lot of peoples’ hands… which is the other weird thing about it – everyone
has touched this money, like money is never something that you actually own.
like you have money, but you don’t actually own, like the paper, like you have it for
a brief time. I mean you can actually buy money – which is the weirdest thing to me.
Like, when people buy, uhh, coins that are significant of some anniversary. i don’t know,
i find is so strange, like using money to buy a coin. like you’re not going to use that
coin for its monetary value.. so what are you even doing.
Money… what? I just like, you just, you get something, so like, you buy something
like pencils for example: you give them the money.
they hand you the pencils. (i don’t want to break these pencils…)
and then they give you some change or something. and its like…. [sound of change falling
on the ground] i don’t respect money… just kidding, i have
to pick that all up. I don’t have a friend to help me with this,
so it looks stupid, I’m aware, but you get the point!
then you take it took the next place you go you carry it with you and you never actually,
keep that money, but like everyone else touches it and it’s like this weird communal thing.
But like anyways, it made me realize it because i got a currency that wasn’t mine, so i got
a 2penny piece from england, and i was like WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS. Why do
i even care about it, like i don’t want to respect money.
it’s such a stupid thing to care about, but that like the root cause of all my problems,
I’m graduating soon, and I am in like – you know – i don’t have any money sooooo – i tried
working during school, and i failed a course so clearly that was not a good plan. there
you go i failed a university course, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW.
also plastic money is just so weird, and i mean plastic money as in credit cards not
as it the plastic bill i was referring to earlier. like that you have credit of numbers
of these tokens that you’ve gathered that you need to keep them somewhere else. you’ve
got so many tokens that you’re got to have them on a card, and then you can use that
card to like use these imaginary tokens now, they’re not even physical anymore, they’re
just like not even,…. i just like… money.. you know?… like what? how do you have a
card that represents tokens that are totally abstract in the first place. its like, double
abstract. It’s just – mind boggling – in my opinion. I’ve just been thinking about money
a lot lately and i just don’t get it. like image if we were a society without money,
how awesome would that be? but also like bad, because i mean you need like that token to
exchange to people, it just seems so like an arcade.
like you can’t talk about money without me just thinking about those little tickets that
come out of the machines when you like win the like weasel …. bop…. thing… i don’t
know. I’ve spent a lot of time in arcades to not know the name of that game. that name
of the game is life… that was terrible jane. my god. sooooooo [tune of ABBA money money
money song] money money money… must be funny…. i’m going to stop right now.
i think my favourite coin is the toonie coin, because it has two colours…. what’s you’re
favourite coin of your currency. do you have paper only? … is there a currency like that?
probably? I’m uneducated apparently. that’s how i feel about money… sooo ….how
do you feel about money hunny… sorry it’s too soon for that, we’re not that close, i
shouldn’t be hitting on you already. … [whispers] omg did i press record… please
say yess [groans] accessibility, is all about being accessible
to every individual regardless of their handicap.

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