Articles

Give Me All Money

March 5, 2020


Hi, my name is Jordan Ruiz Escobar Garcia, and I’m running for president of the world to get all of the money. If I am elected world president, I will have one singular goal, that unites my administration: getting me all money. My administration has a simple,
one-step process to achieve these goals. First – everybody gives me all their money. And that’s it! This is not a communist scheme to overthrow capitalism. I don’t wanna overthrow capitalism. I just wanna beat it! I just want all the money. I didn’t really think about it after that point! Now, you may ask: what am I going to do
with all of that money, once I have it? Well, I’m not going to spend a cent. That’s right: tax rates will be 100%,
and your roads will still be broken. Instead, I think I might just arrange the money in a big room or something, and try to swim through it. You know, it’s not really important what I’m gonna do with the money. The important thing is – I want the money,
I’ll get the money, you won’t have the money! I’m a big believer, that anyone can do what they set their mind to. And as far as I know, nobody’s ever set
their mind to collecting all the money. Well, I might be the first person that’s really able to do that, because for my whole life, I’ve only wanted one thing, and that is to get all the money. Now, you may ask: how does me getting all the money benefit you, the people? Well, the answer is… [pulls out a gun] Give me the money!
GIVE ME THE FUCKING MO– ♫ Give me the money ♫ ♫ This is a robbery, give me the fucking money ♫

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99 Comments

  • Reply The mr Pope August 24, 2019 at 3:04 am

    This is like an-cap + Stalinist

  • Reply Wilson Pearl August 24, 2019 at 3:19 am

    I have tried this but failed many times.
    Good luck on getting all the money.

  • Reply Just a commenter August 24, 2019 at 5:29 am

    This Shit's gold.

  • Reply Braystad August 24, 2019 at 5:55 am

    Hmmm

    Yeah you got my vote

  • Reply Micah van Oordt August 24, 2019 at 7:27 am

    Basic economics:🤔

  • Reply DecimusYna August 24, 2019 at 4:00 pm

    Big Brain Time!

  • Reply Helena Ryu August 24, 2019 at 9:42 pm

    I watch this daily and it never gets old

  • Reply Pine Cone August 24, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    I hope you have a permit for that

  • Reply Simon Sozzi August 25, 2019 at 12:18 am

    Are you Argentine? Is your father a shrink?

  • Reply CG36C August 25, 2019 at 5:28 pm

    Give the all moneyy

  • Reply GEMOTO August 27, 2019 at 4:20 pm

    Your toes. Hand em over.

  • Reply blipboi gilgamesh August 28, 2019 at 1:14 am

    Bolsonaro be like

  • Reply ballz deep69 August 28, 2019 at 1:38 am

    Shalom

  • Reply Ryde Mk August 28, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Best patreon ad ever

  • Reply CROCRACKS August 29, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    CAPTION:
    EVERY RICH CAPITALIST BE LIKE!

  • Reply freddytheshadowninja August 31, 2019 at 12:58 pm

    I would seriously fund your election campaign for president JUST to hear you boldly say this shit to politicians onstage.

  • Reply Sky Wire Mashups August 31, 2019 at 1:04 pm

    AllMoney

  • Reply Sam Grattan September 2, 2019 at 5:05 am

    This is actually a Accelerationist Anarcho-primativist scheme. See, when you take all the money, that money will instantly lose all worth, since nobody can spend it. Then there will be no money, and no money means collapse of society and the state. Then WE WILL REVERT TO OUR BIOLOGICALLY INTENDED LIFESTYLES LIVING AS HUNTER GATHERERS IN THE RUINS OF OUR FORMER CORRUPT CIVILIZATION!!!!

  • Reply Be N S O N September 2, 2019 at 8:21 am

    nobody’s gonna read this, so…

    He’s wearing a scarf in almost the exact same way the girl in a porno I watched did and it’s really messing with my head.

  • Reply desu38 September 4, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    ANYTHING FOR YOU, HAL GUY

  • Reply Finger but hole September 4, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Shut up and take my money

  • Reply Tyler Peter September 7, 2019 at 6:20 am

    Giiive meee The moooneeeey. Thiis is a robbery, give me the fucking money. Lol

  • Reply mdude625 September 7, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    Honest….think I'll vote.

  • Reply British Film Critic September 8, 2019 at 9:31 am

    I’ve just come across this channel and I genuinely have no idea so I’d appreciate if someone would clue me in – what does this guy identify as politically?

  • Reply lord james September 9, 2019 at 1:12 am

    he stole my job

  • Reply Xenath Cytrin September 9, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    Ah, so this is how late stage capitalism will bring abou the communist utopia.

  • Reply Xenath Cytrin September 9, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    Weird thing is, we are soon approaching the point where one person will own everything and be functionally immortal.
    The game of power is one that mankind has played as long as history has been a thing, and we are on the verge of someone finally winning it.
    This is terrifying, because no one knows what we are supposed to do when someone wins.

  • Reply TheMindofRa September 11, 2019 at 12:36 pm

    ok….. but what do you mean by "money". I mean if we gave you all of like one currency you know damn well people would switch to a completely different currency.

  • Reply Nicolas G September 11, 2019 at 1:22 pm

    The gun wasn’t necessary, you could have just talked about Trickle-Down Economics.

  • Reply Ni To September 11, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    Jrag 2020

  • Reply Hydra September 11, 2019 at 9:39 pm

    Uno reverse card

  • Reply CrombulumGillette September 12, 2019 at 2:53 am

    Jregism

    The economic belief that all money and income is distributed to Jreg.

  • Reply TitanFrold888 September 12, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    "Nobody's set their mind to getting all the money." Show's what you know goy.

  • Reply Flamewarden • 炎守護神 September 13, 2019 at 9:37 am

    Juche with western capitalist characteristics

  • Reply Graceful Fiber September 15, 2019 at 1:44 am

    Well, i'll vote for him. He is honest about his goal

  • Reply MrQwefty September 16, 2019 at 3:39 pm

    I think I kinda like this anarcho-giving-you-all-my-money philosophy

  • Reply GioTV1 September 17, 2019 at 2:44 am

    “Where’s my money Denny?”

  • Reply Kenny Keating September 19, 2019 at 2:57 pm

    If one person had all the money, wouldn't that make the money worthless?

  • Reply Dirty Dasein September 20, 2019 at 4:30 pm

    JB Pisstker if he was skinny

  • Reply Vaping Dad September 21, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    Same

  • Reply NINJA's Depression September 26, 2019 at 7:09 am

    I'm money
    I'm stuff

  • Reply drewestification October 8, 2019 at 7:58 am

    he has my vote

  • Reply Reset_ October 12, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    And they said the perfect anti-centrist leader doesn't exist.

  • Reply Kasy Bundy October 16, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    Or you could just sell tumbleweeds.

  • Reply Brandon Vistan October 18, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    This man will lead us into the future.

  • Reply Abrahem Samander October 20, 2019 at 7:50 pm

    Finally an honest politician who doesn’t care about the people!

  • Reply Abrahem Samander October 20, 2019 at 7:50 pm

    Finally an honest politician who doesn’t care about the people!

  • Reply Mlglazent October 23, 2019 at 9:14 am

    Jreg 2020

  • Reply Horesmi October 23, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    That is actually a good rebuttal of trickle down economics, since the rich just stash up the money instead of spending. Or invest it, but the profits from investment are actually less than the profits from that same money being circulated around by the poor.

  • Reply mistermystery October 24, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Monarcho-Capitalism

  • Reply CINNAMON GUM October 27, 2019 at 8:47 pm

    Plotagon man

  • Reply AleK October 28, 2019 at 3:22 am

    doesn't this just devalue all the money though and revert us back to bartering with commodities

  • Reply The Magical PINE DEER October 28, 2019 at 11:53 am

    Well… at least he's honest.

  • Reply Ragnarrahl October 28, 2019 at 2:00 pm

    According to Moldbug, we should vote for anyone whose platform is exactly this.
    As long as they are an omnipotent alien, that is.

  • Reply Doctor Deimiah October 29, 2019 at 6:47 am

    If the cosmic law that states "Mo' money mo problems" is upheld you will also technically have all the problems, absolving the world of any issues whatsoever. I support this political system.

  • Reply Anthony October 29, 2019 at 11:48 pm

    Hookers and cocaine for jreg

  • Reply Harry Heck October 30, 2019 at 3:42 am

    The gun isn’t loaded, it locked back.

  • Reply Symbol October 30, 2019 at 8:35 pm

    I like how the gun is locked open when he points it, lol

  • Reply Wired Golem October 31, 2019 at 12:36 am

    I also want ALL the money…

  • Reply Phoenix October 31, 2019 at 6:23 am

    I like the end part where he threatens you at gun point but he racks the slide so that he suspends it by slide stop so that arm cannot fire. He does this to confuse and anger you so that you begin to doubt yourself. Truly the great thinker of our time.

  • Reply PAXperMortem October 31, 2019 at 4:51 pm

    Finally an honest politician!

  • Reply The Giant Rat November 1, 2019 at 8:48 am

    Well if you insist

  • Reply Tobi November 1, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    I want a hentai harem

  • Reply Ananá Pananá November 5, 2019 at 10:52 pm

    This guy is cool

  • Reply Marechal Zolotoy November 6, 2019 at 6:35 pm

    Jreg is now a career politician

  • Reply Kekero November 12, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    I feel like one person owning all the money and doing nothing with it the money stops being money.

  • Reply Kaiser Data November 14, 2019 at 11:55 am

    Sounds like a Jew but ok I like his honesty

  • Reply They are watching November 27, 2019 at 3:42 pm

    amen

  • Reply Glorious Content December 9, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    O.K. Mr. Krabs.

  • Reply chino222 December 14, 2019 at 11:06 pm

    take anything you want
    take anything you want

    spare me my life
    spare me my life

  • Reply Zeke Lim December 16, 2019 at 4:53 pm

    He is not just in the 1%, he is the 1%

  • Reply Nate Sassoon December 22, 2019 at 9:19 am

    i just noticed the wackiness of his tie

  • Reply Clash Pro December 24, 2019 at 4:41 am

    I got a prager U ad about napoleon being good

  • Reply James Hickok December 31, 2019 at 3:59 pm

    Classic Jew.

  • Reply Echo January 19, 2020 at 4:42 am

    When AnCaps dont believecin the NAP

  • Reply Elijah Ford January 24, 2020 at 4:28 am

    So, he wants the government to tax all of everyone's money, and then have it just given all to him, like as an individual, and then not do anything with it? Are we clear?

  • Reply QuakerOats February 6, 2020 at 2:21 am

    Think about it this way. If we give him all the money

    all the money..

    No one one will value currency anymore and we will have anachronistic primitivism! Win!

  • Reply Герцман February 7, 2020 at 9:59 pm

    Young Bernie Sanders looks weird.

  • Reply Generic Guy February 9, 2020 at 8:41 pm

    This is literally my friend when we're playing cod zombies and he's hogging ALL the kills

  • Reply Sponge Anus February 14, 2020 at 3:47 am

    Disney be like

  • Reply Tardersauce35 February 14, 2020 at 6:10 am

    1:13 get robbed

  • Reply Joseph Ancion February 14, 2020 at 9:21 pm

    That's actually a joke I like to make once in a while. Once, walking around the city with my sister, I started making up a song about how all the money in ATMs needed to be given to me since it wasn't being used by anyone so I should have it.

  • Reply Abdülhamit Ayaz February 14, 2020 at 10:01 pm

    Kardeşim bu komünist propagandadan ne zaman vazgeçeceksin? Olsun. Yine yapmışsın, olmuş.

  • Reply Mehmed February 15, 2020 at 2:08 am

    but if we give you all money, money will become valueless

  • Reply Crow February 16, 2020 at 9:39 pm

    No

  • Reply Very Unoriginal Content February 16, 2020 at 11:12 pm

    you have my vote!

  • Reply EmerBlox February 18, 2020 at 1:47 pm

    Capitalism 100

  • Reply Zen February 18, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    this is how ancap looks like at the end of it. one person will have all the wealth while rest "should just have gathered some skills"

  • Reply Sausage404 February 20, 2020 at 12:18 pm

    I can never escape bloomburg ads

  • Reply John Doe February 22, 2020 at 7:27 am

    When you realize the population has no guns

  • Reply Seagull February 22, 2020 at 10:59 am

    Your gun isn't loaded though

  • Reply Ghastly Ghandi February 22, 2020 at 5:12 pm

    Ha! Sucks to be you, I will just use bitcoin!

  • Reply X W February 23, 2020 at 9:17 am

    Did anyone notice the tie?

  • Reply X W February 23, 2020 at 9:19 am

    This is clearly meant to be parodying Joe Reynald Elmer Gould

  • Reply Golden Maximo February 25, 2020 at 12:42 am

    I'm going to open a question on Quora about this…

  • Reply disky February 25, 2020 at 3:01 pm

    Ancap in a nutshell

  • Reply AngryB4ker March 1, 2020 at 4:26 pm

    I never thought about wearing my tie like that

  • Reply Kyle Lambergs March 3, 2020 at 4:02 am

    Nice try AnCap

  • Reply Tyler Peter March 5, 2020 at 6:12 am

    One man oligarchy? Yes please.

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