Articles

BALLS VS BUTTS – Google Trends Show

October 9, 2019


-I also claimed nothing, on- like, zero? So that I don’t have to pay-
-I claim all of it, yeah.
-I just say “yep- yep.”
[Bruce laughs]
I just say “yep- yep.”
[cheering and theme music]
Welcome! To Google Trends!
The one-and-only game show powered by the internet.
With your host, The TrendMasterrrrrrrr!
[muffled chatter]
With your host, The TrendMasterrrrrrrr!
[muffled chatter]
-They can’t- They can’t track debit card.
-That’s true- ’cause, if they don’t have your pin, they can’t get it, ’cause they can’t-
*BANG*
[laughing]
What the fu-
TOMAHAWK YEAH!
[thud]
EUGH!
[bang]
YOW!
God-
DAMMIT!
FUCK!
Bring in the-
Bring in the thing.
-I dunno what that is.
[Lawrence groaning]
-Cool!
-First try!
There it is… Alright. Oh-
-Fog machine went off…
Yeah, there’s- smoke machine’s goin’ off there.
That’s fine. That’s fine-
-Was that supposed to happen before the jam?
[Lawrence coughing]
-We’re in a smaller, more inclined- er, uh-
-Enclosed space.
-enclosed space, now, so this is gonna fill up real fast.
-This is what the Sugar Pine office looks like?
[Lawrence coughing]
-This is what the Sugar Pine office looks like?
-Pretty much all the time. I was there for three hours, and I couldn’t see anyone.
-That’s cool.
-People know that vape still kills you, right?
-What?
-No. They think it’s, like, better for you.
-No. They think it’s, like, better for you.
-They think it’s better for you because it tastes like apples?
-What- it’s just nicotine, though-
-Yeah; it’s a TON of it, it turns out.
-Oh.
-Yeah; it’s a TON of it, it turns out.
-Oh, maybe if you’re, I mean, if you’re “health vaping”…
-Oh, are you- can you health vape?
-I… I health vape.
-That’s cool.
-Yeah, it kills you. The same.
Fell RIGHT ON the ass part that I hurt by falling down in the bathtub.
-Mhm. Yeah. Not your fault though- probably the gloves.
[applause and theme music]
Hey everyone, WELCOME to Google Trends.
Uhh, this is a game show, uh, that works great every time.
My ass hurts.
This episode is sponsored by two sponsors: Hims and Mack Weldon.
You can go and get a $5 trial supply of Hims, one month’s supply, at forhims.com/google
and, you can get 20% off your Mack Weldon order by going to MackWeldon.com
and using the promo code “trends”.
Just realized- that spotlight makes it IMPOSSIBLE to read anything down here. I just-
-Didn’t YOU design this set?
Yeah, I did.
Alright! Let’s get started.
Google Trends is a game show powered by the search traffic on Google itself.
We’ll have a number of rounds starting with “Team Names”,
but, in each of those rounds, each of these teams will have to pair one term with a term provided.
Today’s theme is:
Today’s theme is:
March Madness!
Because this episode is going up pretty much during the finals of March Madness,
and, if you’ve caught on to the wonderful scheme behind this show-
it writes its SEO for itself. So, hopefully all you basketball fanatics will have a fun time, and uh
hopefully my ass will heal.
We have a red and a blue team now, but they won’t stay that for long-
First of all we have to come up with some sort of basketball-related team name.
So, for that, you both must pair one term with…
-Ball!
It will be “Team Ball Something” or “Team Something Ball”
-Two words? One word?
One word, with “ball”.
-“Basketball” is one word.
It could be two. Because basket is also a word, so it must be A word, combined with the word “Ball”.
-But, in terms of the SEARCH, it’ll be searched with a “space”.
That’s correct. So it would be “basket -space- ball”.
-Perfect. Thank you. That’s exactly what I wanted to know.
I just realized- we have no idea who’s going to go first, because that’s a pretty good one…
-could flip a coin.
Yeah, could- I don’t have a coin…
-Coins, anyone?
-Hey, wait, I have a phone. I have a phone.
-Gonna flip a phone!?
-Yeah, the phone flipper!
-Okay, screen or back?
-You callin’ it?
-Yeah.
-Screen!
-I was just wishing for the best, for your phone.
[laughing]
I was just wishing for the best, for your phone.
Alright, well, that means the red team gets to announce their team name first.
But you have 60 seconds to deliberate and decide on a team name-
Blue, you might wanna have a backup just in case they decide to swoop your answer-
you have 60 seconds, starting now.
[quiz show music playing]
(whispering) That’s not how the game works.
-What?
-You know how the game works?
-Whaddaya mean? “Space Jam” is one word…
[James laughing] Should we do that?
[Adam laughing] Yeah… Yeah!
[Elyse laughing]
-Using one of those-
-Yeah
-Yeah. Sure.
-“Yeah. Sure”
-I’m confident!
-That’s- Yup! Me too!
[Airhorn]
[Elyse laughing]
Time’s up! Team Red, what is your team- ball- name?
-Go ahead…
-We are…
-“Lucille Ball”.
Team Lucille Ball!
-“Lucille Ball”.
-We are going to be…
-Elyse’s suggestion…
-What!?
-Elyse’s suggestion…
-“Lucio Ball”.
[Elyse laughing] Oh are you- You’re goin’ with it, huh?
-Ohhhhh!
[Elyse laughing] Oh are you- You’re goin’ with it, huh?
-Oh, okay, that’s fair, that’s good…
-Wow!
-Overwatch, and…
-Comedy legend.
[Lawrence sighing] Okay…
Uh, yes.
Ope!
-There it went!
-Make sure they spell it right…
-Yeah, you… you…
-Make sure they spell it right…
[Bruce laughing] Well, we’re off to a good start!
You, uh, you changed the wrong layer-
-I like how Bones is pointing at Jacob…
There it is!
-I like how Bones is pointing at Jacob…
Now what will happen is…
“Lucio Ball” and “Lucille Ball” will both be punched into Google Trends
and they will receive a relative score, against each other, ranging from 1-100, about how the two terms are searched.
[Science noises]
[Elyse laughing]
-This score counts, right?
-The score counts, that’s correct.
-Oh, okay.
-Shame it only goes to 100.
[Bruce and James laughing]
-How’s it coming over there?
Yeah, let’s see if we got the-
Well, he skipped a step. That’s cool.
[laughter]
-OHHHHHHH!
-Wait, really?
-What?
-HUGE!
Okay.
-Zero points!?
-HUGE!
-Okay, because people love Lucille Ball, she’s still like an icon, and uh…
-RIGHT NOW! People lookin’ for her!
-RIGHT NOW!
-How am I already looking this up?
-RIGHT NOW they’re lookin’ for her!
-How am I already looking this up?
It’s gone- oh-
Scroll all the way to the top, remember?
There we go!
-There it is!
[clapping]
-Do we get a higher score?
Yes!
-ONE point!?
-It says “one pointS” on it!
[Adam laughing]
-Well, we went for the joke answer…
-We did, and it didn’t pay off.
-I wanted- I ORIGINALLY wanted to go with “debutante”.
-Can we check, uh, “football”? Two words.
-Oh, yes, please.
Yeah, yeah, let’s see what the graph looks like…
-That was our “normal” answer.
-That was our…
-That was our “non-joke” answer.
-It is off-season right now.
-Also, “Debutante”?
-Oh, that’s awesome- we can see it live now.
-Oooooh!
-Oh, that’s awesome- we can see it live now.
-You spelled it wrong!
-Still better than “Lucio” though!
Also, Jacob, it looks like yours- did yours move? Or change in size?
-Umm, I didn’t really… [mumbling]
-Oh!
[Adam laughing] Less than one!
-SHUT UP!
-Yeah, you don’t need to check it…
Yup! One points to fifty-three points.
-One points.
[Adam laughing] Because- no one’s ever gotten one point…
-Yeah, I know.
Alright- let’s move on to our first term, now that you have a feel for it-
We’re gonna go through seven terms, each of which are basketball-themed.
So, let’s go to our first term, which is…
HOOP!
And!
The Special Lightning TrendMaster Trend Term™ is in effect,
-Okay.
The Special Lightning TrendMaster Trend Term™ is in effect,
so there is one term that has special search traffic associated with this term-
and it may or may NOT have to do with basketball.
-We’re NEVER gonna get it.
-Never gonna get it.
If you happen to get it, you will get a bonus 100 points on the spot!
-I would go for it.
If you happen to get it, you will get a bonus 100 points on the spot!
If you happen to get it, you will get a bonus 100 points on the spot!
-Never gonna get it.
You’ll probably never get it.
-We get the points from the search, PLUS 100?
That’s correct.
-Why WOULDN’T you go for it?
Why wouldn’t you go for it?
-Why wouldn’t you try and guess the one word he’s thinking of in his big hat head.
Yeah, this is all brains up here; it’s actually horrifically uncomfortable.
And you have 60 seconds to pair one term with “hoop”, starting now.
-Oh, it went
[Applause]
[Airhorn]
Okay!
Time’s up!
Team Lucioball- given that you are behind in points, you have the “advantage” (it makes sense, I promise)
-It’s true, we do.
What is the term you are pairing with “hoop” for the first round?
-Uh, “Hula Hoop”.
Hula Hoop!
-Elyse locks it in, just like that.
-Lockin’ it in.
Alright, Team Lucille Ball…
-If you say “cock hoop” we know you cheated!
[Bruce laughing]
-Wait, what? Huh?
-“Cock hoop”.
-That was our alt.
-Like a cock RING… But a cock HOOP.
-That was your ALT one!?
-Oh…
-No, I… I OBVIOUSLY don’t listen to you guys.
…What is your “hoop” term?
-“Hoop dreams”.
-That’s what we’ve ALL got, so…
[karate noises]
-That’s what we’ve ALL got, so…
…everyone’s searched for it at least ONCE.
[Bruce laughing]
…everyone’s searched for it at least ONCE.
-Then they realize what it TAKES.
-To what?
…To dream of hoops.
-James has got those dreams every DAY.
-Every day! And I’m always Googlin’ to check.
-Yeah.
-To see how my dreams are doin’.
-Yeah- he drives by the basketball court and goes “not today…
[Laughter]
“…but one day…”
-It’s like- y’know how they have, like, the speed test apps BUILT IN to Google now?
-Yeah.
-When I type “hoop dreams”, it just says, “not yet, James, but soon.”
[Laughter]
-Oh, wow.
-It says “but soon”?
Yeah, “bassoon”. Or, as I call it, the “idiot clarinet”. Suck on that!
[Mockingly] Bassoon players!
-Bassoon players!
Let’s see what these points are stacking up to. I dunno; they looked “up”.
-Oooooh! My god!
-Oh, wow!
-Brought it back! We brought it back!
-Lucille Ball for the entertainment- Hula Hoop for the win.
-Aren’t you guys still losing?
-I think so.
-Yeah, we’re still losing.
[Laughter]
-Alright.
-It’s close, though!
Let’s take a look at the graph…
-No, no, it’s just one shot. Just one shot, Elyse.
…and see how these two terms stack up- I mean, we kinda already know…
[Laughter]
-Just one shot.
-Wait, so you’re telling me I’m the only one searching for “hoop dreams”?
Hula Hoop’s on a bit of a slide…
-Uh oh! I’d better not invest in Hula Hoops anymore!
-Whereas, as you can see, “Hoop dreams”…
-Yeah yeah!
-Consistent! Consistent!
-Consistent NOTHING!
-I blame rising ocean tides.
-Can we do “hoop earrings”?
-Wait a minute! How’d they go up in March of 2017? It’s been a year, and Hula Hoop’s going DOWN?
-Well, yeah…
Yeah, I don’t know why it peaked in…
-You spelled “earrings” wrong.
-“Hoop earnings”.
-Well let’s see “cock hoop” for 500, Bones.
-Oooooh!
-Oh, “hoop earrings”, look at that! That was another one of ours!
-Yeah, “hoop earrings” was good too. We talked about that.
-Cock hoop- Awwwww… Come on, now.
-Awwwww…
-Zero points for “cock hoop”?
[Chuckling]
-That isn’t- that’s not even a thing!
-Uh, it is now!
-Sounds like a Rooster Teeth podcast.
Jacob- is my bookmark bar down on the top of your browser?
-Ummm…
-Oh is this how we’re gonna find out what the Trend is?
Okay, click on that browser, then hit “ctrl-shift-B”.
[Laughter]
Now watch it!
-Wait, what?
“ctrl-shift-B”, Jacob! “ctrl-shift-B”.
NOOO!
-Perfect!
-Oh, no! It’s gone!
Oh, you unsnapped it. Just snap it back to the other side of the monitor.
-Oh, I see what he’s doing.
-How do I snap it?
Just hold the Windows key and hit the left arrow.
[Laughter continues]
I thought you knew how to use Windows.
THERE we go!
-What was the Super TrendMaster Trend Term™?
Oh, I’m glad you asked! It was “Holland’s Hoop”, a Dutch crime serial.
[Elyse sputtering in disbelief]
The title is derived from the name of the farm where the story takes place,
and is also the name of the weed traded in the series! But yeah, it’s a great show! A lot of search traffic on “Holland’s Hoop”!
-Mmm…
-Okay. Cool.
-Hey, Jacob- put that in there and let’s see actually how much search traffic there is, for real.
-You would’ve gotten 100 points, PLUS…
-Also, see if there’s any windows updates on there.
-Can you use punctuation- Is that allowed? Is punctuation allowed?
-Oh, Terry Hollands, British strongman.
Oh, it WAS pretty hot…
-Well, that’s right about where “cock hoop” is.
There it is. Wow! Okay, well, Blue Team’s still behind, so…
[Applause]
-Close game. Close game.
…you still technically have the lead here. Your Round 2 term- two out of seven… Your Round Two term is…
“Bracket”!
Alright, you have 60 seconds to pair one term with “bracket”…
..Starting now.
…The timer? Jacob?
[Jacob panicking]
-Has to be one word, right? One word?
Yeah, only one word.
[Applause]
-Terry Pratchett…
-Terry… Terry Bracket?
[Airhorn]
Alright, you’re outta time.
[BEEPING]
-Is that the smoke alarm?
[BEEPING]
…Yeah…
[BEEPING]
[Bruce laughing]
[BEEPING]
-Should we be leaving? Or…
[BEEPING]
-Nah.
[Beeping stops]
Thank you! Alright-
Lucio Ball! What is your “bracket” term?
[Bruce laughing] Uh huh?
-“Winning”.
“Winning bracket!
-Yeah, “winning bracket”.
-Isn’t it “WINNER’S bracket”?
-Whatever.
Alright, Team Lucille Ball, uh…
I’m guessing they didn’t swoop your term there, so…
-They may have.
Uh oh…
[Laughter]
-We’ll have to think quickly, but silently.
-Yeah, but we’ll go with…
-“Tax bracket”.
[FF7 Victory Fanfare]
[Lawrence gasps]
[Repeated airhorn]
-It’s the reason for the season!
[Game Show victory music]
You have hit the Special, uh Lightning Trend Term™…
-Oh!
-Was it really? That’s- like, it seems like the most obvious one!
-It’s the easiest one!
-Yeah!
-So we get the points PLUS THE POINTS!?
You get 100 points plus whatever your points are.
-Nice job. Nice job.
-Oof! That’s a game-changer.
-Sir!
-It’s been a pleasure.
I don’t need to see the monitor. I- I just know.
-46!
-Ooh! Wow!
Alright, so…
-Aw, man they- y’know, that tax bracket…
Jacob, remember that you gotta add 146 to their team score, now…
…Special bonus™.
-Bump that points!
-Can you do “winner’S bracket”?
-Yeah, try “winner’S bracket”.
-Hey, Jacob, can you also do “wall bracket”?
-Ooh, we were thinking “door bracket”, or something- Actually, “wall bracket’s better.
-“Wall bracket”, “door bracket”…
-Aw, “wall bracket” would have even just got us more points.
-Yeah, but still…
-Yeah, it wasn’t the TrendMaster Trend Super-Term™.
-It’s the season! It’s the season, baby.
-It wasn’t the OBVIOUS…
-Yeah.
Alright, let’s see where the team scores are at. This is going to be a little bit of a shock…
…thanks to that Lightning… that Lightning…
-Ooh!
-That’s okay.
-Well, you don’t get points for being entertainin’…
[Bruce laughing] She did this too-
-Tell that to Lucille Ball!
-She’s dead!
-She’s dead. She died a long time ago.
-But the voice of Lucio, whoever he is, he’s… MUCH alive.
[Bruce’s terrible Lucio impression] AWL-RAIGHT!
-Oof…
-Is that… how he sounds?
-He goes… “mmPUP UP da JAYMS!”
[Laughter]
-“Poop up the jams”?
[Laughter]
-NO, I said “PUMP up the jams”!
[Laughter]
[beep]
We’re two rounds in…
Uh, we got a bit of a break, but hey, those Lightning Trend Terms™ are for every round!
Catches up at any time!
-Sometimes they’re “Holland’s Hoop” and other times they’re “tax bracket”.
[Laughter]
Third round term is “seed”-
Lucio Ball, you will have first pick of terms again.
-Alright.
Remember that there is a Lightning Term™ hidden in there somewhere.
You have 60 seconds to deliberate your term, starting now.
-Johnny Appleseed?
-It’s your pick, Elyse. I default to you.
-Pumpkin seed?
[Airhorn]
-That’s pretty good too!
Alright. You’re behind, so you get first picks; what is your “seed” term?
-Do… “plant seed”. [immediate “oh, no” hiss]
“Plant seed”.
-Plant a seed.
-Or, “plant”, noun, “seed”, noun.
-“Plant”, as a seed.
-Mmm, mhm.
-It’s versatile.
Alright, so Team Lucille Ball, what’s YOUR “seed” term?
-“Weed seed”.
-NIIIIIICE!
[James inhaling] HAAAAAHHHHHH!
-THAT L.A. LYFE!
-Dank!
[Laughter]
-Dank!
-That… “Schweet kusch”.
[Bruce laughing]
-That… “Schweet kusch”.
-D’you think Jacob’s over there, like, [mockingly] “what’s a weed seed?”
-Ahaha, [also mockingly] “I’ve never heard of THIS!”
-“I’d better Google it!”
-[Defensively] I pulled some weeds just last night.
[All “aww”-ing]
-Gotta keep that lawn clear.
-And then he SMOKED ’em-
[Laughter]
-Rolled a blunt and smoked ’em…
-Gimme that thumbs up!
Alright, let’s see what our terms- AH!
-Oh…
-Oh NO!
-Weed seed…
-Oh, wow! Weed- er, “plant seed”!
-Wait, wait, can I- was the- was “X-SEED”… No, that wasn’t the TrendMaster Trend Term™?
No, that wasn’t the- Doing jump shots over here?
-What’s the… was it “FF7 Veed- Weed- SeeD”?
-The “C-eed”… “CD”?
-Ohh, what was the TrendMaster Trend Term™?
“Korok”.
-OHHHH!
-“Korok seed”!
-FUCK!
-Oh no, [unintelligible] Legend of Zelda!
-I wouldn’t have gotten that, but yes, I understand.
-Oh, no, no!
-I was on the right path, though.
Alright, let’s see the graph. Uh, let’s see if there’s any- Okay!
-Can we have, uh, “man seed”?
-And, uh, “FF7 SeeD”?
-Look at that!
-And then “Korok seed”, as well.
-“Korok seed” is still low. Okay.
Yeah.
-But you get those points, and it doesn’t matter.
Now would be a good time to remind you guys that this episode is sponsored by Hims.
It’s for hair retention, basically, so it won’t reverse hair loss, but it WILL prevent it from happening in the first place.
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[Elyse coughs]
Uhh, that’s why I wear this hat. It’s, uh, it’s becoming a wasteland under there, but I don’t want anyone to know.
-Eugh…
But thank you, hims, for your sponsorship. Once more, that’s forhims.com/google to keep your hair.
Real medicine, from real doctors. Alright, let’s move on to term #4…
Your 4th round term is…
-Should we check the scores?
…”Div”- we SHOULD! We should do that.
-Oh yeah.
-I mean, umm….
[Bruce laughing]
There you go.
-Woah!
-Ah, no, not so bad, not so bad- we’re catching up….
-Okay, well, yeah…
-They’re never gonna hit that TrendMaster Trend Term™ again, so it won’t matter.
-It’s closing in.
-That’s fine. Already did it once.
-Just a couple more “weed seed”s…
-It’s like Michael Jordan.
-Ah, true, but you won’t get it again.
-He did it once, and walked away.
-That’s not what happened.
You have 60 seconds to pair a term with “division”; Lucio Ball will have first swipe again.
Uh, and you have 60 seconds, starting now.
Yeah?
-Are we allowed to use articles? Like “a”, “and”, and “the”?
-We’re wasting a lot of time, though…
-I know.
Yes.
[“Audience” “Whoa”ing]
[Elyse whispering] What about “Ubisoft” since they made “The Division”?
[Elyse gasps] Lawrence looked at me; maybe that’s the Secret Trend Term™!
-He looked at you? Lawrence looked at you?
-Yeah, I THINK he did… Um…
[Airhorn]
Time’s up!
-I wonder if it is…
Time’s up, ladies and gentlemen! Team Lucio Ball, what is your “division” term?
-Alright, well, Elyse thought that, when she said a term out loud…
-Well, Lawrence kinda looked at me, a little bit, maybe…
-During the deliberating…
-I believe in you, Elyse.
-I don’t!
-“Ubisoft”!
“Ubisoft Division”?
-Yeah.
Okay. That’s a good term.
-Alright.
[Elyse laughing] He didn’t make eye contact with you! Look at-
-He could still announce it!
Alright, Team Lucille Ball…
-He may have been looking PAST me…
-I’m not sure if ours is legal or not… uh…
-He’s ALWAYS looking past you, Elyse!
-“The”.
“The Division”? That was their question; yes, it IS legal, so “The Division”-
-That is correct.
-Yeah, we asked that question…
-I don’t listen to you! That’s the point- we have to have separation!
-Do you think we BOTH got that term? We both got it!
-No, that’s not possible.
-Uh, can we deal with this problem?
-What are you DOING back there?
-A perfect double hundred!
Well, you were both VERY close, uh, but not quite.
“Division UPDATE” was the, uh, Special Trend Term™.
-What? Elyse…
[Elyse laughing]
-Because they just updated the game, yeah…
People search for the UPDATE, not the name of the game.
Well, yeah, let’s see what these terms are ranking in at on Google here…
-Eee!
-God dammit!
-WHAT!? No… That’s-
-What? How is it THAT different?
Because people DON’T search that.
-Yeah, they don’t search “UBISOFT Division”, they search “THE Division.
-We fucking said “The Division”, too…
-We went for the risk! We risked it ALL!
-You’re sittin’ on your biscuit, too afraid to risk it!
-He’s… That’s still too obvious.
-Y’know what, Bruce? Let’s do it anyway.
-Other than “tax”, which I still don’t… [mumbling]
[laughter]
-Rim… Rim…
-Ow! Man, that… My neck…
-WE’RE BREAKIN’ IT! BREAKIN’ IT!
-I wanna see “Division Two”.
-“Leg division”!
-Do we have to spell the word out? Like, T-W-O?
-Between numbers and letters?
No.
-Do “Update”!
-Do “men’s division”
-You can’t use punctuation, right?
-No one cares about “Division update”… Alright…
-Nothin’…
-Yessss…
-Y’know what? One of these days, it’ll pay off.
-It may not be today, and it may not be when we’re working at Funhaus anymore, but it’ll pay off.
Now, let’s look at the team scores here…
139 to 284!
-Whatever!
-We can still catch up. We can still catch up.
-We’re gonna do this, but this is from the 3-point line.
-Airball!
-Bonk!
-Dammit!
-Those fall short.
[Applause]
Your 5th term is…
“College.”
Pair one term with “college”!
You have 60 seconds starting now, and there’s a Hidden Trend- Trend Lightning Term™ in there.
-I’m sure there is- It’s probably something like “book”.
-Don’t look at me, Lawrence.
[Laughter]
I will no longer make eye contact with Elyse, for the sake of fairness.
[Laughter]
-Oh, the timer’s started.
Yeah the timer’s started already. Go!
[Applause]
-Nothing. I mean… Nothing.
-“I’ve NEVER searched that on an amateur porn site!”
[Elyse laughing] Why’d you say “amateur”?
[Airhorn]
Oof!
[Adam laughing]
-It’s up to you!
Alright! Hey, time’s up!
-The one you picked was great, the one I picked-
Hey hey HEY HEY!
-We’re not saying words anymore!
-We lost the time in the last round, because we had to clarify for THEM…
-Whether they could use an article, so…
-OUR term…
-Pshh…
Yes?
-Is gonna be “college”…
-“Porn”.
“College porn”. Droppin’ that card.
-“College porn”.
You only get one!
Team Lucille Ball, what is your “college” term?
-“College girls”.
-FUCK! YOU FUCKIN’ STEALIN’ THAT FROM US, YOU-
[Elyse seething unintelligibly]
-No.
-He listens to it, and he takes it from us.
-I can’t see what you’re doing.
-He said “free college”, and that was going to be our serious answer until the very last minute,
-and I went “college girls”.
-Yeah, O-kay. AL-right.
-And we both went “BOINGGGGG!”
-It was funny- I said “college porn” at the very beginning, and then she said “college girls”, and I was like,
-that blew my mind, and I was like, “that one’s so GOOD!”
-Whatcha gonna do.
-I’m sorry…
Ooh! Ouch!
-It happens. It happens! It’s okay. It’s alright.
-I went purely by length…
-It’s no big deal.
-It’s universal. Because you search for it, and you’re like “I’m not looking for pornography!”
-But you still cum, y’know?
[Bruce laughing]
-Yeah.
-So you didn’t do anything wrong.
-That’s right.
-“I just wanted to see a 19-year-old girl playing volleyball! What’s wrong with that?”
-Nothing.
-Well…
-You go, “good for her”,
-Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with that.
-and then you cum.
-Well…
-And then it’s fine, because you’re, like, encouraging them.
Let’s see that graph!
Stands pretty heavy, actually.
-Uh, “college girl”? I’m curious about just “girl”.
-And then “free college”.
-Why have one, when…
-You can have ALL.
-“Free college girls”!
-Ugh, oh, god…
-The dream!
-Yup!
-Just a little bit higher there!
-This one’s gonna blow it out of the water. Watch it! Watch it!
-No, it didn’t.
-It did at ONE time!
[Bruce laughing]
-Everyone loves girls… “COLLEGE BOYS”!
-Ohhh, that’s a GREAT idea.
-That’s 100!
-Let’s see how it does against “college girls”…
-Let’s see them college boys!
-NOBODY wants that shit! I TOLD you!
-WHAT? That’s not fair!
-Everybody wants GIRLS! No boys!
-What’s the difference?
-Even BOYS don’t want boys!
-It’s ’cause college boys get all fat.
-They eat at the buffet, and they get fat, and they live their worst life,
-whereas college girls still have that metabolism to keep ’em TIGHT.
-Is this you as the Dean?
[Laughter]
-I.. I just blacked out! Where am I? Oh boy!
Okay, Class of 2018…
-What’s the scores?
Yeah, let’s look at the team scores…
-Alright, we’ll catch up.
-Oh, boy…
-No, we’ll- We’ll catch up, Elyse.
-We won’t, but, y’know what?
-You’re not even on a COURT anymore.
[Applause]
[Laughter]
Alright, let’s look at the 6th term- the 6th round- your 6th term is…
“Region”.
Let’s pair one term with “region”, and you have one minute to decide what that term will be, starting now.
-Every time, they just say words after we’ve said them. I hear- every round I hear it.
-Cheating every time? Elyse, don’t let ’em cheat!
-Every round I hear it.
[Adam and James whispering]
-Thing is, I don’t WANT to hear them…
-Yeah, I know, they don’t…
[Applause]
[Airhorn]
-You don’t- you don’t- you’re not- Michael Jordan doesn’t COACH…
Alright, time’s up.
-I dunno WHAT the fuck they’re talking about.
Alright team Lucio Ball…
-We’re pep-talking each other.
-I GUESS…
What term are you going to pair with “region”?
-“Western”.
[Elyse gasps]
“Western region”.
-Hmm…
And I’m sorry to say that is not the Special Lightning Term™ but…
-What a surprise.
I know. Odd.
Team Lucille Ball, what term are YOU pairing with “region”?
-“Lock”.
…”Lock region”?
-“Region lock”.
Oh, okay.
Alright, well, let’s see what these two terms have weighed in at…
Ooh! OOH!
-Wooowww! Look at that!
-Oh, woah, NICE, BRUCE!
-What year is it?
-I do wanna see what you said, though.
-The year of the Western region.
-I am curious…
[Elyse’s terrible Southern accent] Western, Eastern, Northurn, Suhthurn…
[Bruce’s also terrible Southern accent] Southwesturn, Northeasturn, Northwesturn…
That’s all of ’em!
-Coastal!
-Coastal, yeah… Desert…
-Can I see, uh, “desert region” please?
-Or “COASTAL”!
-“Coursta-” “Coastral”?
-Oh, but there was one point where they touched!
Oh, people didn’t give a shit about-
WOAH!
-Oh, no, you just searched “coastal”. You didn’t search “region”.
Oh, there we go. Yeah, that makes more sense.
-Western still! How ’bout, uh…
-Suh- Southern?
[Elyse laughing]
-This is gonna sound weird, but what about “region-lockED”?
-Oh, okay. Alright. Yeah.
I don’t think…
-NO, NOT “SUH-SOUTHERN”, YOU DICK.
-Oooohhhh! What about, like, “region finals”?
-Oh, “region finals”? That’s what HE just said!
-Oh, did you?
-I can’t tell if she’s mocking me or not.
-I dunno.
-I can’t either! Are you mocking him?
-I… I honestly didn’t…
-I wasn’t listening! I was dicking around with this paper, and I was thinking!
-And you LIVE together!
-WHAT’S THE SCORE? I wanna see that score!
The scores…
-HELL yeah!
-We’re catchin’ up! We got it! We’re only down by 150 points! We get that TrendMaster Trend Term™…
-We get that 100 points, we double it all the way to the TOP!
-I mean, you WILL double it, right? Last round’s double points?
That’s right!
Things could change at any moment.
We are coming up on the final round here, which means we’ve got to take a quick break to remind you
that this episode is sponsored by Mack Weldon
because they make the most comfortable socks, underwear, and shirts you’ll EVER wear.
And look at what you’re wearing right now. Odds are it’s not very good, unless it is already Mack Weldon…
-It’s Mack Weldon.
-I’m wearing Mack Weldon already.
Oh, is it? Okay, you’re good. You’re set. Yeah, I- I put my Macks on today, too.
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[Laughing]
…”TRENDS”.
[Laughing]
-“Twends”.
…So, give it a shot. Go look at what they have, and get 20% off.
It’s, uh, it’s on me, the TrendMaster.
So, thank you, Mack Weldon, for your sponsorship.
ALRIGHT! Let’s look at the last term…
And, yes, you ARE correct- all point values are doubled this round, so anything can happen.
-Blblblblbleh?
That’s right!
Your 7th term is “round”!
Pair one term with “round”!
-Oh, I know what it is.
You have 60 seconds…
-Do you answer? It’s your answer, right?
…starting now. Good luck, both teams.
[James making explosion noises]
-Look at him in the eyes. Look. Look.
-Ah, hey! Stoppit!
-Gotta be!
-Hey, yeah, what?
-It’s GOTTA be!
-That’s not fair! He fucked us last time!
-It’s gotta be his term!
[Airhorn]
Ah!
Alright!
-This is it! For the dunk!
This is it!
-The slam dunk, Elyse!
This is it! This is the alley-oop- this is the tomahawk jam- this is the-
-Oh, no, please, please, please, please, just do it. I can’t.
-No, it’s your turn! You pick. We’ve stuck to this system this far, and it’s HELPED us.
-Sort of…
-So it’s your turn.
You guys have lost every round.
-Let’s say “round butt”.
“Round butt”! Okay!
-I didn’t expect THAT one, but, uh, okay! Let’s take it!
-Do you guys TALK at all? I feel like you guys talk a lot, but then you don’t ever come to any sort of a conclusion.
-We threw out a lot of REALLY good suggestions.
-Yeah, but you should DISCUSS those, like how we did it with our perfect term
-which is totally gonna be his Term™.
-I think I know what you’re guessing… Can I whisper it to you?
-Oh, wait, no; I shouldn’t do that, because then…
You can just say it; it’s not gonna change anything.
-Whisper it to me, I’ll verify.
-But… but I don’t trust HIM!
-I don’t trust him, either…
-“Earth”.
“Round Earth”? Okay!
Good terms! Good terms!
[Bruce laughing] That is NOT what she said!
-That’s not what I…
-At ALL.
-I thought it was going to be “Round One”, ’cause Lawrence likes the ARCADE “Round One”.
I don’t… This isn’t MY… This is GOOGLE.
-It’s you. It’s all about you, baby!
-“Holland’s Round”!
-Yeah, “Hollands’ Hoop” or whatever! Come on.
The correct Lightning Term™ was “buzz”.
-Oh, “buzz round”?
The hit Country Western song “Round Here Buzz” from Eric Church that we all know.
-You just got rid of one of the words from the song?
Yeah, I couldn’t fit ’em all, so…
-Alright, yeah.
-Sounds like he’s really got his finger on the pulse?
How’s it coming over there?
-Oh, they’re counting up all the points…
Wait, do you have a physical calculator?
It gets crowded on that desktop. There’s a lot going on.
-That’s why. Yeah, THAT’S why.
-You guys are doing the lord’s work, by the way. Thank you.
Yeah, let’s give it up for the op center, everybody.
[Applause]
-They’re getting PAID for this! This is their JOB.
-Look at this.
-We got comfy chairs.
I fell in a bathtub…
OH! Wait- WHAT? That’s doubled?
-Aww…
-Is that the DOUBLED!?
Is this pre-doubled?
-Did you double it?
-Yeah…
Only 54 for “round butt”, huh?
-Oh, okay, so 27 was doubled.
-Aww… Sorry.
-But our points were 84?
-I’m sorry, Bruce…
-Holy shit!
-It’s okay. It’s alright.
-I knew! I knew when you said it…
-My people.
Round Earthers, man- they’re running everything.
-People, Googlin’ DUMB SHIT.
-Those are my people.
Well, let’s take a look at that graph…
-You guys, also… You messed up royally.
-What?
-Why? What happened?
-Should’ve went with “round MOUND”.
-I thought about that too, but no one searches that.
-What the hell’s- what’s “round mound”?
-Alright, do “round mound”.
-He said that to me, but I didn’t know what it was. Do you know what “round mound is?
-“Round Mound of Rebound”? Dennis Rodman?
-No…
-It’s a porno site.
-Oh. Oh….
-It’s apparently a porno site that ONLY ADAM VISITS.
-Flatline!
[Adam laughing] It has not been around for a WHILE!
[Laughter]
-That Adam’s been to 4 times in the last week!
[Laughter]
-He loves it, though!
-Can you do “round one”, please?
-Yeah, “round one”.
-And “final round”, please.
-“Final round” and “first round”.
-Man, really- really glad I didn’t go with that.
-“Round one”… Yep.
-Aww, Bruce… I’m sorry. And that’s what I thought…
-And then, uh, will you do “first round” for me? I’m curious about that.
-I’m sorry. We could’ve taken it.
-It’s okay, Elyse. We tried for that risk.
-Would that have been enough points to take it?
Cool!
-Oh…
-First round… Yep.
-First round… it screwed it up back then, so…
-Oh, see, they didn’t renew the, um…
-It’s already gone? The website’s gone?
-Yeah… Like I said, it was YEARS ago.
-Should’ve been “round one”…
-It’s alright. Y’know what we do…
-This was back when, like, MilfHunter was a thing.
-We take our basketball, put it underneath our arm…
-I can’t believe they let that URL go!
-We walk off- We come back, because tomorrow, we’re gonna practice, and we’re gonna get better.
-Do we have to record this again tomorrow? It’s Saturday. I have plans.
-Do we win anything?
-Yeah, what’s my prize?
Uhh, I’ll show you in just a moment.
-Will you let us go this time?
Oh, no, you gotta sit there- we got a lotta cleanup to do.
Alright, let’s look at the final scores. I have a feeling I know who won…
…Yup! Yup yup yup.
-It’s alright! It’s okay. We’ll get ’em next time.
-We ALMOST got that 100 point double-bonus.
-Y’know what, in a basketball season,
-There’s 162 games or something.
[Elyse laughing]
-Thankfully, it’s not the playoffs.
-It says “Loser”.
-Y’know what?
-Tell ’em it’s not the playoffs.
-You know what?
-Hmm?
-Yes?
-You might be…
-Chicago Bulls…
-We’re Harlem Globetrotters.
-You’re a joke team?
-We’re, uh…
-No, no, that’s not what I meant…
-That’s a fake team that doesn’t play in the NBA.
-That’s not what I meant, that’s not what I meant…
More like WE’RE the Harlem Globetrotters, and you’re one of those regional teams that they play.
-That they always beat.
-Like the….
-The Brooklyn Shitters.
[Laughter[
Well, thank you guys for watching this episode of Google Trends.
Thanks again to our sponsors, Hims and Mack Weldon.
And I’d like to remind you that you can get a trial month of Hims for just $5 at forhims.com/google
-Don’t do our thing!
And you can get 20% off your Mack Weldon order…
-You can’t do that!
And you can get 20% off your Mack Weldon order…
-That’s not fair, that’s ours!
…at mackweldon.com, using our promo code “TRENDS”.
-What is THAT?
Thank you so much, until…
-Can you tell him to STOP?
…Until next time…
-Bring it back, bring it back…
-Can you guys please…
[James laughing] The website’s gone! This is just something he dreamed of….
There it is… Goodbye, everybody.
-I don’t think this set-
[BANG]
[Elyse screams]
-Oh, boy!
-JESUS CHRIST!
-Fuck me…
-I don’t think this set’s for us, guys.
-I like that… I like the eyes, because he’s like Anjelica Huston in the Addams Family.
-She couldn’t read the ads, either.
-Put that hat further down; they can see it.
Oh…
-Yup, there you go.
[Mic noises]
[Unintelligible dialogue as mics are removed]
Alright, let’s take a look at the team standings- it’s probably getting a little more lopsided….
-Oof.
-That’s alright, we’ll- we’ll break 100. [Laughs]
IT’S STILL POSSIBLE TO COME BACK!
-Oof!
[Laughter]
[Like a child still learning to speak] Y’know- you make the points in the fake world; we make the money in the real world.
-Who are you tal- why are you talking like that?
-I’m listening to the Tommy Wiseau book…
-Oh.
Uh, well, we have three more rounds, but before you get-

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